Travel, Luggages and Vacation Packages

Do you think adding detail in a book keeps readers intrested?

I just wanted people's opinions on this because I want to know what makes readers intrested.
Example 1: I picked up my bags and got off the train, and a red '73 Ford Pickup was waiting for me.

Example 2: I hurried to the suitcase train to pick up my bags because my stop was next. When the train came to a hault I stepped off it's onyx black steps while I said goodbye to the Conducter. I watched in silence as it (drove? whtevr a train does?) away. I went and sat on the bench to wait for my ride. When I finally heard it coming I got a little excited. It was a '73 Ford Pickup with a big dent in the front.

Now which one do you think would pull you into t
he story more?

This is a really random question...
lol thanks!
just to let you know I took this off the top of my head because I wanted to know because I'm writing a story that has nootttthiiinnnggg to do with this!

Super,

You have some good advice here. Detail is fine as long as one doesn't go overboard with it. Too much makes it sound like the author is writing a manual of some kind instead of a story.

The author must give a little soul to the detail as well. Take the reader away to someplace in their mind. Make them smile or frown with words that hit home; reminding them of something lost or found. Few word are better, but adding a few may just be the butter on the toast.

Example of adding:

I quickly picked up my bags and got off the train. I smiled when I realized my fears were unfounded. The red '73 Ford Pickup was waiting for me.

Example of subtracting some/adding some:

I hurried to the suitcase train to pick up my bags, knowing that my stop was next. I stepped off the black steps and watched in silence as it moved away. Waving to the conductor, I went and sat on the bench to wait for my ride. When I finally heard the familiar sound of the '73 Ford Pickup, I smiled at my unfounded fear.

This gives the reader what I call a 'mind's eye view' of everything that's being said. It takes them away to that very train station and the '73 Ford pickup that will soon pull up.

Good luck!

PJ M

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Sammy's Suitcase $3.95 SAMMY AND COUSIN Max are taking a train to visit Pop-Pop and Grammy Sue. No sooner do they leave the station than bedlam ensues-- the train breaks down, there is no food for the hungry passengers, cows block the train tracks, and much more. But have no fear, Sammy's special suitcase always comes to the rescue. This very kid-friendly story is loaded with kid-humor, wonderful funny illustrations with lots of humorous detail, and great pop-ups. And it's specially made just for kids. Plus, it has a handle, just like a suitcase.

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Betty Gordon at Boarding School $24 Used - The wicked Tommy had a motive in asking for Libbie's suitcase. It was much smaller and lighter than any of the others, and he swung it deftly into the rack over the vinegary lady's unsuspecting head. With a deftness, born it must be confessed of previous practice, he balanced the case on the rim so that the first lurch of the train catapulted the thing down squarely on the woman's hat, snapping a shiny, hard black quill in two.

Betty Gordon at Boarding School $11.98 New - The wicked Tommy had a motive in asking for Libbie's suitcase. It was much smaller and lighter than any of the others, and he swung it deftly into the rack over the vinegary lady's unsuspecting head. With a deftness, born it must be confessed of previous practice, he balanced the case on the rim so that the first lurch of the train catapulted the thing down squarely on the woman's hat, snapping a shiny, hard black quill in two.

Betty Gordon at Boarding School $15.12 New - The wicked Tommy had a motive in asking for Libbie's suitcase. It was much smaller and lighter than any of the others, and he swung it deftly into the rack over the vinegary lady's unsuspecting head. With a deftness, born it must be confessed of previous practice, he balanced the case on the rim so that the first lurch of the train catapulted the thing down squarely on the woman's hat, snapping a shiny, hard black quill in two.

Betty Gordon at Boarding School $24 New - The wicked Tommy had a motive in asking for Libbie's suitcase. It was much smaller and lighter than any of the others, and he swung it deftly into the rack over the vinegary lady's unsuspecting head. With a deftness, born it must be confessed of previous practice, he balanced the case on the rim so that the first lurch of the train catapulted the thing down squarely on the woman's hat, snapping a shiny, hard black quill in two.

Betty Gordon at Boarding School $37.19 Used - The wicked Tommy had a motive in asking for Libbie's suitcase. It was much smaller and lighter than any of the others, and he swung it deftly into the rack over the vinegary lady's unsuspecting head. With a deftness, born it must be confessed of previous practice, he balanced the case on the rim so that the first lurch of the train catapulted the thing down squarely on the woman's hat, snapping a shiny, hard black quill in two.

Betty Gordon at Boarding School $15.12 Used - The wicked Tommy had a motive in asking for Libbie's suitcase. It was much smaller and lighter than any of the others, and he swung it deftly into the rack over the vinegary lady's unsuspecting head. With a deftness, born it must be confessed of previous practice, he balanced the case on the rim so that the first lurch of the train catapulted the thing down squarely on the woman's hat, snapping a shiny, hard black quill in two.

Betty Gordon at Boarding School $16.66 New - The wicked Tommy had a motive in asking for Libbie's suitcase. It was much smaller and lighter than any of the others, and he swung it deftly into the rack over the vinegary lady's unsuspecting head. With a deftness, born it must be confessed of previous practice, he balanced the case on the rim so that the first lurch of the train catapulted the thing down squarely on the woman's hat, snapping a shiny, hard black quill in two.

Betty Gordon at Boarding School $13.8 Used - The wicked Tommy had a motive in asking for Libbie's suitcase. It was much smaller and lighter than any of the others, and he swung it deftly into the rack over the vinegary lady's unsuspecting head. With a deftness, born it must be confessed of previous practice, he balanced the case on the rim so that the first lurch of the train catapulted the thing down squarely on the woman's hat, snapping a shiny, hard black quill in two.